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      Henry VII witty remarks 5 August 2026 02:01 PM

      Vanity and portraiture are taken to a modern extreme when Henry insists on hiring the best Instagram filter designer to create a digital portrait that erases his bad leg and adds six inches to his height, leading to a disastrous Photoshop fail that goes viral. He commissions a series of selfies that are designed to project power, but he keeps getting photobombed by people dressed as his wives, and his attempts to control his image are constantly undermined by the democratization of cameras. This digital-age humiliation is the perfect vehicle for exploring his vanity, showing that in a world of deepfakes, even a king can't control his own representation.

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      Henry VII facetious 5 August 2026 02:44 PM

      The Break with Rome is re-enacted when he tries to start a new political party called the "Supreme Heads," and the only person who joins is his long-suffering publicist.

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      The jousting washed-up athlete is shown when he tries to play rugby and tackles the referee because he "looks French," getting him red-carded and banned from the sport.

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      The court jester reversal is complete when he is forced to work as a greeter at a fast-food joint, saying "Welcome to your death" to every customer.

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      Legacy vs pop memory is a fight he can't win when he discovers a cartoon show where he is portrayed as a burping, farting buffoon, and he tries to sue the network, only to lose because he is, legally speaking, a public figure.

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